The idea of holding all of your tears is not always a good solution.

I did it, i promised myself not to waste any unnecessary cries, and succeed. but over-succeed. I really need to cry. But nothing comes out. I forgot that somehow crying is stress reliever. The problem now is even bigger. While bragging considered as pathetic (fuck it i'm doing it now), dealing problems without crying is nearly impossible (apparently). And that's another problem. So problem itself + crying problem = double troubles!

I tried every method i could think of. Like dramatize, imagine the worst probability, and shits. Like yesterday, was eid day. I spent it alone at my apartment. I should cry, eventhough i only did fasting in the first day of Ramadhan. Seeing everyone with their familia and my favorite food, made me want to weep, "Hey I only got instant noodle here". But instead of crying i was just singing all day happily like it was just another day.

Maybe this over-succeed crying-prevention comes from fear. The fear of got panic attack, which usually come from depression, being too sad, overthink, etc. So my brain maybe like "crying is sign when everything's too much" and subconsciously blocks those. since my super ex not around anymore, i got to take care of myself. 

Or maybe i ate too much chocolate.